the fucking word of the day

[ih-LOO-si-dayt]

trans. verb. To make clear or manifest; to render more intelligible.

On a lighter note, today the owner of Segway drove over a fucking cliff while on a Segway, as he was elucidating the benefits of owning a Segway.

[ab-stee-mee-uhs]

adjective. Characterized by abstinence.

Christine O’Donnell, the muppet version of Rachel Ray, has lived an abstemious life: one devoid of masturbation, sex, and reason.

[RAP-suh-dahyz]

verb. To talk with extravagant enthusiasm.

Rhapsodize to your kids about sex before Google does.

[ab-joor]

verb (used with object). To renounce or give up under oath.

For the record, I abjure the idea of Obamacare, but it’s sure as shit better than being left to die on the fucking street!

[fek-yuh-luhnt]

adjective. Full of dregs or fecal matter; foul, turbid, or muddy.

The Shit My Dad Says premiere was the most feculent moment in television since those piss-drunk queers at ABC greenlit a show about Geico Cavemen.

[puh-LOO-sid]

adjective. Easily understandable.

When you find yourself losing an argument with a liberal, make up a bullshit Nazi analogy to make your point more pellucid.

[dey-gah-ZHEY]

adjective. Without emotional involvement; detached.

I’m always impressed by The Situation’s degage attitude towards sleeping with broads and then promptly asking them to leave.